Sunday, August 21, 2011

open armed.

the depth of decision making is overwhelming.
the choice i have officially made, is mind blowing to me.
ask me one month ago if i ever felt this way, i would have laughed.
ask me if i ever wanted to walk away from this, i would have laughed harder.
that was my life.
little things throughout you're life create stepping stones,
right now i feel as though this was a chunk of concrete that was just laid down.
things are going to change, and at this point for better or worse, i couldn't tell you.
playing ben harper-walk away, will probably be the only relation i will have to comfort,
and right now that is all i need.
there are new things in life heading my way.
i am now opened armed because i've let go, one of the biggest things i had.
i do not know what to feel right now.
i don't know if it is right to feel relieved or to wish to take it all back.
starting out senior year with so many emotions probably is not the smartest thing.
but what is done, is done.. and is what needed to be done all along..
no matter how much i wish already to have my old life back.
here is to the relationships i held, and i pray that they will never change.
though i already know, that will not happen.
life is hard, and full of tough decisions that can make or break you.
i'm ready to be happy.
i'm ready to feel okay.
i'm ready to release anxiety into the open air.
i'm ready to love endlessly, not feel weighed down, and prepare for my future.
i'm writing this so when it's hard to look back at what i have done, i can remember that i am at peace, and know it was the right decision.
i wish i could have had the strength to explain myself face to face, and say sorry.
but at times you have to remember,
you should not ever apologize for doing whats best for yourself.
and remember that if relationships change because of your decision,
you were never truly the friends you thought you were.
people should respect you, regardless if they think your decisions are right or wrong.
hello new life,
i'm not sure i am ready for you,
but hear you are.

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