Saturday, June 4, 2011

day 18.

eighteenth day.
a letter to someone you haven't talked to in awhile.

writing this to you makes me wish i could talk to you so much more than i already want to. saying i miss you is such an understatement. Today we planted our flowers, Dad told me how much you use to spend on flowers.. i just smiled because i could just picture you, smiling, singing, planting endless amounts of flowers. then picturing how mad grandpa must  have gotten. You somehow found beauty in everything, even when you were sick. We planted snapdragons in memory of you. Endless amounts of tears filled my eyes. Sadness overwhelmed us all, but i wanted to keep going.. cause i felt like you were near. I visit your grave often.. i know you are not there, but i feel peace reading "you are the wind beneath our wings". You were the wind beneath our wings then, as you ever are now. Looking back at the pictures of our tea parties, piano lessons, pictures with pumpkin.. you were all i ever needed. I was a grandma's girl. I get so selfish in my thinking.. I want you back.. I need you. I feel like everything would make sense if i could have one more conversation with you. I know you weren't happy here.. You stayed positive for us, but disease overcame.. and took the best of you. unwillingly. Grandma. i miss you. i think about you every day.. i couldn't have asked for a better next door neighbor. I have to see you again someday. that's what keeps me close to the church.. the thought of being with you.. is what i need. Because without that simple thought i wouldn't be able to keep going. truly. I love you and appreciate everything you have done for me. The strength i receive when remembering you is incredible. When asked who my hero is i think of you without fail. A strong woman who dealt with everything that was sent her way; happily.  Grandma.. Dad misses you too. I've seen him cry once in my life.. and it was at your funeral. Knowing you wouldn't be here with us.. nearly killed us all. You are such an amazing woman, and it is unfortunate that not everyone could know you. but i am glad i had the gift of having you in my life.. I miss you. We all miss you. and always will. I love you Grandma.. Until that day i get to see you again please stay close to me. I know you will, and have since the day you were taken from us. Thank you for being my guardian angel. I love you.

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